By Cathy Miller

Veterans Day is November 11, a day intended to honor and thank all military personnel who served the United States in all wars, particularly living veterans. Today, we talk to Anthony F. DeStefano MAJ, USA (Ret.), a Hackettstown resident who wrote a lengthy, detailed memoir of his time in Kuwait from post-9/11 2001 to August 2003. He kept a day planner, maintaining a record of everything that transpired, accurately recounting those 22 months. It’s an eye-opener for sure, to learn of the many varied roles Tony played during his deployment, while his return to civilian life was accompanied by its own kind of trauma. Learn about his life and work, and how he is giving back to the community, below.

Prior to 9/11:
“I’m originally from Everett, Massachusetts, where I enlisted as a private in the Massachusetts Army National Guard in 1982. I had almost 20 years when 9/11 happened. I was still a reservist when I was mobilized and put on active duty.”

Back to 1982:
“I was in a band in Massachusetts. We were called Sunshyne, and we were very successful. But we had switched from rock to disco and I was not happy about that. I played lead guitar and there were virtually no parts left, everything was keyboards. I saw the movie ‘An Officer and A Gentleman’ and it got me to thinking – what do I want to be at age 60? Do I want to be an aging rocker or do I want to do something that’s above myself and give back to my country?

“So I left the band and enlisted. After Basic Infantry Training at Fort Dix, N.J., I served in the Massachusetts Army National Guard for eight years. I then served in the South Carolina Army National Guard for eight years. And, finally, I served in the Army Reserve in Atlanta for eight years, for a total of 24 years. At the tail end, I served in Fort Mead, Maryland, with the 311th Theatre Signal Command, with responsibility for Asia and Korea, and previously with the 335th with responsibility for Southwest Asia, which includes Iraq and Afghanistan.”

Through all your national guard service, what were you doing for those 24 years?
“I held many civilian jobs after I left the band. Most were communications related, such as Senior Comm Tech for Southern Company/Georgia Power. But we went to some interesting places, such as Bright Star in Egypt. I think I went to Bright Star three times – twice with the 228th Signal Brigade, South Carolina Army National Guard and once with the 335th Theater Signal Command, U.S. Army Reserve. That’s an international exercise with the host nation, Great Britain, France and others along with the U.S. It was not all work. I saw Cairo and the great pyramids, had a camel ride in the desert and ate huge prawns in Alexandria in my limited time off duty.”

Was everything you did early on ultimately leading to what you would be involved with in Operation Iraqi Freedom?
“I was Signal Platoon Leader, with the 126th Signal Battalion, MAARNG, which means that you are hands-on. We set up the equipment, the antennas, we worked with microwave equipment and something called MSE, which is mobile subscriber equipment, basically the military cell phone system.

“Then I became a company commander at Company B, 151st Signal Battalion SCARNG (in South Carolina) and then moved to the 335th Theater Signal Command US Army Reserve in Atlanta to get promoted to Major. I was a Signal Staff Officer there with the engineering group designing signal (communications) systems. We had moved to satellites from microwave. We also had troposcatter, which is a very unique system. Basically, you bombard the atmosphere with a lot of radio energy so it bends off the troposphere and heads back down to earth and the rest goes into space. It’s good for about 150 miles, but the satellites are world-wide. That’s why we went with those.”

It sounds like you’ve been in charge of communications no matter how you were involved. Reading about the Kuwaiti culture and all of that, not only did you have to deal with all of these electronics but you had to be a diplomat, too?
“My training at Bridgewater State College in Massachusetts was in International Relations and Political Science so I felt qualified to do that. That’s what my degree is in, so it came in handy.”

When you first enlisted in the Massachusetts National Guard did you ever foresee your college degree being used in this capacity?
“No. I certainly am grateful to Bridgewater State and to my professors there.”

This wasn’t just a part-time thing. My understanding was with National Guard you go when you’re called up?
“It’s two or three days a month depending on the training schedule and two weeks a year. That’s the minimum. Jobs come up where they ask for volunteers and you’re put on TDY (temporary duty). You get activated and you do whatever is needed based on your work schedule in the civilian world – what you can handle and when they’ll let you go.

“After I enlisted with the Massachusetts Army National Guard (MAARNG), I went to Officer Candidate School (OCS). That’s how I got to be a Lieutenant. I graduated seventh out of 51. We started with 151 candidates, 100 fell by the wayside because of the rigors of it. I was seventh out of the remaining 51 candidates. I graduated as a Second Lieutenant in the MAARNG.

“The US Army Reserve is similar to National Guard in that it’s volunteer. The biggest difference between the National Guard and the Army Reserve is the National Guard belongs to the state until you’re federalized. So the Massachusetts Army National Guard Commander-in-Chief is the governor of Massachusetts, until the president mobilizes and federalizes those troops.

“With the Army Reserve, that’s not the case. The Commander-in-Chief is always the president, all the time.”

Was it a drastic shift, going from National Guard to Army Reserve?
“No, not really. I barely felt it, actually it was a smooth transition. I met a lot of great people who mentored me, who helped get me promoted to Major. LTC Mike Healy was the guy that took me under his wing and really molded me to be a good staff officer. I was a 2nd Lieutenant in Massachusetts and then a 1st Lieutenant. I got my Captain in South Carolina National Guard and became a company commander. Next was Major.”

As Major, what did your work entail?
“What was different was I just came from company command where I was in charge of 140 people and millions of dollars worth of signal equipment and trucks and Humvees and weapons and all that.

“Then I was placed in this staff position because Majors don’t usually have commands, it’s usually a staff position unless you’re a detachment commander or something like that. I had to learn how to be a staff officer and support the commander as best as I could. They placed me in the engineering field, and like I said, I put together signal systems.

“In Kuwait, I set up telemedicine circuits to relay knowledge from Army Medical Centers in Germany and DC into the hands of medical practitioners at facilities in Kuwait and Iraq. When means are limited, nobody gets all they want, but they learn how to operate in less than optimal circumstances.

“The arrogance of one officer in particular who thought he could get anything he wanted by bullying the host nation caused a serious delay in implementation. As a result of having to deal with him, it took longer to get anything done. He was a colonel, he was a superior. Well, I can’t reprimand the colonel, I’m just a major, so I had to smooth feathers and say that’s not how we operate. This was an anomaly, this person was out of line, so I had to do a lot of ‘tea sessions’ over seven months to overcome this assault on the Kuwaiti Host Nation’s dignity. It was your typical ‘my way or the highway’ scenario. You’re a guest in their country, you’re lucky they let you in to do this mission – of course anything to do with defeating Saddam, they were all for it because of the invasion that took place in the 90s.”

When asked about any language barriers, particularly when dealing with highly technical situations, Tony said, “The Kuwaitis mostly spoke English and were very well-educated,” so that was actually the least of his problems.

After the statue of Saddam fell in Baghdad, his 22 month junket in Southwest Asia ended. He received his REFRAD (Return From Active Duty) orders and returned to CONUS (Continental United States) for demobilization and a return to Reserve Status and civilian life.

Let it be known that Tony did not come home unscarred. To this day, he experiences PTSD due to missile attacks on his HQ during Operation Iraqi Freedom. To quote from his memoir, “We were under fairly constant Theater Ballistic Missile attack and went to MOPP4 (the highest degree of protective gear worn during a chemical, biological, radiological, or nuclear [CBRN] strike) about 80 times, heard at least two actual chemical alarms, and came within two seconds of immolation were it not for our Patriot (missiles).”

His military decorations include the Meritorious Service Medal, Joint Services Commendation Medal, Army Commendation Medal (2), and Army Achievement Medal. In his memoir he writes, “It’s funny sometimes that you are recognized for actions you thought of as routine and not for things you believe to be critically important at the moment you are doing them. For the timely and accurate tracking and successful integration of coalition signal troops into the battle plan, I was awarded the Joint Services Commendation Medal. We had won the electronics/information war which greatly enhanced the ability of our warfighters to strike accurately and minimize casualties – on both sides. I am proud of that.”

Did you ever consider Army as a career?
“It was, in a way. I spent a lot of time on TDY (Temporary Duty). I spent a lot of time doing extra stuff for the Army, as much as I could, within the parameters of my civilian job, which was in communications. I never lacked for a civilian job because of my military training. That’s why I would recommend the military to young people, especially if they can find a job field that has a civilian counterpart. But even the infantry and the artillery and all the combat arms, they teach you leadership and discipline. These are traits that companies should want.

“I’ve been retired from the Army since 2006. I was on short term disability at Tyco Communications and it eventually became long-term.”

What are you doing these days?
“I am the Commander of the American Legion Blue Ridge Post 164 on Willow Grove Street in Hackettstown. The Commander holds it all together but has so much help from the staff and trustees which makes my life easier and my job doable.. We have various functions there. Right now, We are in the middle of helping a Coast Guard Veteran with PTSD. He needs money to get to the Montrose Veterans Administration PTSD clinic in upstate New York. I have a discretionary fund so I can give him the car, bus or train fare to get up there. That’s all he wants. I’ll throw in a little extra for meals and stuff like that. The Legion has a social club with a bar, we have Friday night dinners, we rent the upstairs hall. All the money that we bring in as a result of what goes on, goes into our operating expenses or as funds to help people in need. We just had Nicole Donatone at the Legion. She’s a really good country singer from Hackettstown and we raised a lot of money from that event to establish the Commander’s discretionary fund to help veterans in need. The Post Commander is a two year term. I’ve got a year under my belt, so next year I’ll be done. I got ‘volunteered to run, but I’m glad I did, it’s very rewarding.

“I’m also the Grand Knight of the Knights of Columbus in Long Valley. The Knights of Columbus is the largest Catholic men’s organization in the world. We have a program called Faith In Action, which involves Community, Family, Faith and Life. Those are the four pillars of Faith In Action. I’ve been Grand Knight since July of this year. It’s a two-year term, so I’ll be overlapping as Commander and Grand Knight for a year, and then I’ll just be the Grand Knight for one more year.

“In addition, I’m a member of the Elks, a tremendous fraternal organization that supports local charitable efforts such as Operation Chillout. They are one of our largest contributors and are indispensable to our success.”

What is Operation Chillout?
“Operation Chillout was founded in 2000 by Catholic Deacon Ray Chimileski, from Califon. It’s an all-volunteer outreach dedicated to ending homelessness for veterans, both men and women, throughout New Jersey, Pennsylvania, and Rhode Island. It’s not national yet, hopefully it will be some day. I got involved around 2006-2007. I am the national homeless veterans outreach coordinator, so if it does go national that’ll be my job, but right now it’s just three states.

“I oversee the homeless veterans outreach coordinator who’s in charge of the rapid response team. That’s the team that goes out and locates homeless veterans, responds to the hotline calls, gets them into the hotels, buys them clothes, and feeds them. We do transports to the VA and other medical needs. I wear a lot of hats. I’m in charge of locating a veteran to live in our tiny home in Long Valley. John Crimi, owner of County Concrete, owns the property and he’s letting us put the tiny home there, no charge. He’s a very nice man.”

How does it happen that there are so many veterans who return home, only to end up in such dire circumstances?
“A lot of it is TBI [traumatic brain injury] and PTSD [post traumatic stress disorder].”

Why aren’t they under medical supervision as veterans?
“The transition between the military and the VA is very vague. They should be issued a VA health card the minute they become veterans. When you transition from active duty back to the reserve components or to civilian life you should be introduced to the VA at that moment. A lot of veterans don’t even know if they have benefits. It’s terrible.

“We find homeless veterans in all stages of malaise. Some of them have turned to alcohol and drugs. We try to get them what they need, but mostly it’s treating PTSD. There are other community organizations that we lift them up to like Catholic Charities, Community Hope, and Veterans Haven North to help get them into more permanent housing situations. But what Chillout does is get them off the street and put them in a hotel, which can cost up to $60 or $65 a night because we don’t use ‘flea bags.’

“We want them to be comfortable. We want them to be clean. We want them to have nice sheets and just an overall good place to be. We generally do three nights while we arrange for their further care with those organizations I already mentioned.

“Operation Chillout feeds the vets on the PTSD ward at the VA in Lyons, N.J., on the fourth Monday. Thai Thani Restaurant (in Stroudsburg), owned by Dang and Charlie, donates three trays of Thai food. The last time we fed them, my wife Noi (Naulchavee is her real name, but we just call her Noi) made a mouth-ribeye roast, so it’s a great meal. One day when I got there this young lady came to the front of the room while I was addressing the veterans and she said, ‘I just want to say something. I was in Newark on my own, homeless, and Operation Chillout rescued me.’ That was amazing. Her name was Vanessa and we had a moment together. We hugged and I said, ‘You’re the reason we exist.’ There was another guy that I put in there very recently – thankfully he didn’t suffer homelessness more than a day. He was a friend of ours. There was a very bad situation at home that he had to get out of – basically a murderer was living in that house, somebody that had served 24 years in jail. He moved out but didn’t have anywhere to go. He started talking to me about PTSD, so I arranged a hotel room for him, and then got him into the PTSD program. Community Hope found him permanent housing at the VA in Lyons, NJ in their village.

“Operation Chillout is on the front line getting homeless veterans off the street. We don’t offer counseling services or permanent housing or any of that, we are just the first interface. Since January of this year, we’ve put over 400 hotel nights up as of July 2019.

“Several years ago, there was a veteran living under the railroad trestle in Dover. Ray Chimileski (Operation Chillout founder) read about this homeless veteran and said, ‘This can’t be. Homeless and veteran does not compute.’ He went to the police with his story and they confirmed, ‘Yeah, he’s there.’ So they walked down the treacherous path to the trestle and they interviewed him. They asked him what he needed and he said, ‘Well anything you would need on a cold day – a zippered fleece hoodie, thermal underwear, a knit cap, wool socks, warm gloves,’ and that’s how our first backpack became a reality.

“Since then, the Backpack Program has expanded. Last year we gave out 2,000 backpacks, but that one was the original backpack. Ray Chimileski got back to his life. One evening he was sitting around the table talking with friends about what they did over Christmas vacation. One person went skiing, one person went to Florida, one person did this, one person did that, and Ray said, ‘I rescued a homeless veteran in Dover.’ A woman asked what day was that and he said December 21st. She gasped and asked, ‘Do you know the significance of that date? Four days before Christmas? It was the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, and you brought light to that veteran.’ She urged Ray to continue this (he hadn’t really considered it), but it was at that moment when Operation Chillout was born.

“The backpacks are purchased in bulk. Parishioners of St. Luke’s Church in Long Valley, along with Nancy Duthie, and the Northwest NJ Harley Owner’s Group (HOG), the Elks, the Rotary, the Legion, and VFW all buy the supplies to fill them.

“Money is what’s desperately needed by Operation Chillout, especially as cold weather sets in. For more info, if people want to get involved, or make donations, go to www.operationchillout.org.

“We have a centralized hotline, the rapid response team, 609-619-0861. It’s better for the veteran himself or herself to call the hotline. If you see someone in need, you could go up and say to the veteran, ‘Here’s a card. When you need some help, call this number.’

“The police are especially helpful in this area in Washington Township, Chief Almer and his officers are very good at bringing veterans to our attention. We have a great relationship with the Morris County Sheriff Jim Gannon. We gave him a stack of backpacks to give out to the homeless veterans that he encounters and he’s got cards printed with the hotline. We are working to make better inroads in Warren County to set up relationships and make friends so we can help more vets.

“A lot of veterans come out of military duty with some kind of PTSD. Some work through it, some get help. I got help. Before being deployed, I worked at Tyco Telecommunications doing undersea fiber optics. When I came home I got my job back, but they noticed I wasn’t performing up to speed. There was even talk about letting me go. I didn’t know what PTSD was, I didn’t know I had it. My boss called me in and and said, ‘Look, you’re dropping off the things you used to do well.’ I said, ‘I don’t know what’s going on but I’m going to find out what’s happening to me.’

“So I went to the VA in Newark where they had a Vet Center. I met a woman named Jenny Tyson and she was an angel. She interviewed me, and was looking for something. When I told her about the missile attack, how it almost killed me, and the affect that it had on me, she thought I might have PTSD. I said, ‘Great, what’s that?” She said post traumatic stress disorder. So I asked again, ‘What’s that?’ I had no clue. She recommended that I go to the VA and get diagnosed. But I was an officer. I didn’t want to admit that I had a problem. I didn’t want to appear to my juniors that I was vulnerable. So I fought it from 2003 to 2005. I was still in the Army Reserve at Fort Meade. One day at the kitchen table I had a guest over, he was a former Green Beret named Don Orfield. I went to push myself away from the breakfast table to go to work that day and these waves of anxiety like a tsunami came over me. I was frozen. I couldn’t move and he said to me, ‘You’re not going to work today, you’re going to the VA’ and he brought me there. They took one look at me and put me on the third floor for observation – the lockdown ward. The very next day they had me on the inpatient PTSD ward.That was 45 to 50 days of fairly intense therapy. Within a few weeks after that, I went to Martinsburg, West Virginia for part two of the therapy. The first part was facing the reality of your trauma, not running away from it, but facing it head on. Part two was coping skills, that’s what I learned in Martinsburg. I still have symptoms – a box truck went by today, and I thought if he detonates now I’m dead. It’s never off your mind. I think about the missile attack a lot. I think about the complete and total destruction that would have taken place had that 2000-pound warhead hit our HQ, there wouldn’t have been anything left of me or my colleagues. That’s what really bothers me, nothing left to bury, nothing left to remember, completely closed casket. It works on your mind. So I’m very proud of my service, I’m very proud that I served this country, but there’s a price, it’s the price of freedom. Many, many others have paid a far higher price. I am not a hero. I did my job and lived to tell about it.”

But we’re not all paying the price for it.
“Only 1% wear the uniform. That’s not a hard fast fact but that’s what I’ve understood, that only 1% of our population ever wears the uniform.

“We need to be the strongest nation in the world so that nobody will mess with us, so that there will be peace. As soon as they [other countries] perceive weakness, that’s when the mischief starts. We need leaders who care!”

How long have you lived in Hackettstown?
“Since 2001. I moved here in March, just before 9/11 happened, and then I was gone for 22 months. My mother passed away while I was deployed. She was living with us. I did get to come home to bury her, but then I went right back to Kuwait. We flew from Kuwait City to Naval Station Rota in Spain and then to Dover Air Force Base in Delaware. The massive C-5 planes fly into Dover and I was alone, the only passenger on a C-5. Initially the regular air force made me sit in the back, then in Rota they switched to two Air Force Reserve pilots, commercial airline pilots basically, who were in the Reserves, and they said bring him up. They let me sit in the engineer’s seat between them so I got a birds-eye view. I was hurting because my mother had passed away and they cheered me up.

“I had a private pilot’s license, but I can’t fly anymore because of the PTSD meds. I had a plane at Hackettstown Airport for a while. It was a vintage 1946 Stinson 108, a four-seater.” Reminiscing about piloting his small plane, Tony said, “It’s a wonderful feeling and I wish I could feel it again, but it’s not in the cards because I’ll be taking these meds for the rest of my life.” He added, “I’m going to DC to visit my son LCDR Jeremy Venske and daughter, Poi DeStefano and I’m taking the train. He was going to fly me down, but it’s only a four hour ride, so I opted for the train. For some reason, I didn’t want to fly. Don’t know why.”

Do you have any hobbies?
“I ride my motorcycle a lot. It’s a 2011 Triumph Thunderbird 1600 cc, so it’s a heavy bike. I am in a motorcycle club too. It’s called Uncle Sam’s Avengers, based out of northwest Jersey. We meet at various places, sometimes at the Russian Hall by Totowa, sometimes out here on my deck. There’s less than ten of us in this chapter, Chapter 2, but we’re a 501(c)(3) and we help veterans as well firefighters, police officers, and EMTs. As a matter of fact, you have to be a veteran, police officer, EMT, or firefighter to join us. And you have to have a cruiser motorcycle with at least 800 ccs. My former commander in the American Legion, John O’Brien, and I were asked to lead the Memorial Day Parade in Hackettstown this past year.

“I’m still a guitar player! I play a 1978 Gibson L6-S. I have a band right now called B-Sides. The original concept was that we would play the more obscure songs that every other band doesn’t play. But there are six or seven B-Sides out there already, so we may have to change the name. I think we want to play a little less obscure stuff too. No disco. In the late 70’s, I made a lot of money playing disco, I just didn’t like it. I walked away from that. I can’t do something I don’t like. I’ve had the pleasure of playing music, flying my plane, riding my motorcycle, serving my country, and doing communications work, and now I’m still doing the things I like to do. The B-Sides played at Vet’s Summerfest at Vasa Park this past summer. We also played at Tramontin Harley-Davidson for their ‘Retirement Party’ at the end of September.” The B-Sides will appear at the Stanhope House on January 3, 2020.

Closing thoughts:
“Before we close the interview I need to say something from the heart – without the love, care and genuine assistance of my wife and caregiver, I probably would have fallen through the cracks in the system – divorced, jobless, alone and homeless. Noi saved me and I am eternally grateful to her. I love you babe! My children keep me going and on my toes! Poi, Toni, Jeremy and Jason…I love you all so much. Thank you for helping me keep it together.

“There’s a need for me to serve. Despite my disability, it takes a lot to do what I do because I still feel its effects, but doing all this is cathartic for me. I don’t know how I would be if I didn’t do what I do. I don’t know if my thoughts would turn toward my military trauma, so I stay busy and I keep my mind occupied. It’s very good for me, personally, to be helping veterans.”

If you would like to suggest someone to be the next person of the week, please reach out to Cathy at info@insidewarren.com